Thank God I know how to write, because that’s bailed me out of my life’s dumbest decisions. The worst was leaving college after my junior year because I wanted to “pursue comedy” in NYC. This was inadvisable and you should not allow your child to do this,

Miraculously I wrote my way onto The Onion’s writing staff, setting myself up for the next dumbest decision: leaving. In 2018 I took my wonderful little life in Chicago, walked up to the cashier’s window in LA, and confidently said, “Put it all on the streaming television bubble, please.”

For what it’s worth, enduring the up’s and down’s of the industry has reduced me to only one certainty–I really enjoy screenwriting.*

If I knew how tags actually functioned I would tag this bio: Bruce Springsteen; Michigan Wolverines; Watergate documentaries; surfing; Albany; Survivor (CBS); asada burritos; Chicago; cat; International Union of Operating Engineers

*If you’re from the advertising industry, this was all a lie. What I truly love is helping brands share their stories with the world in the form of a 30-second commercial that can be cut down to 15 for digital.