Creative Mercenary
While not an ad man by formal training, I do offer my comedy writing services to brands, agencies, and pretty much any other paying customer not currently under UN-sanction.
What does my comedy writing look like when filtered through the mouth of a large, powerful brand? Behold:
30-Second Ad Script (Spec).
Static Ad. Probably didn’t require this caption.
Cognex Annual Investor Report
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CLIENT: Our machine vision company, Cognex, wants our annual SEC investor report to be a parody of Star Trek.
ME: What is machine vision?
CLIENT: It scans parts on assembly lines.
ME: Like Laverne & Shirley’s job at the brewery?
CLIENT: No.
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Cognex received a “Captain’s Log” chronicling their year’s ups and downs in language that entertains fans (and non-fans) of Star Trek while also adhering to strict SEC guidelines for financial reporting.
Forward Health: Selling Sunset
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CLIENT: We’re a tech startup that will revolutionize our broken health insurance industry. And that revolution starts with a parody of Selling Sunset set in a hospital room.
ME: I have no follow up questions.
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RESULT: Folks, I only write the words
The client assured me they were very happy.
AT&T’s “Just Okay” Statcast
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CLIENT: AT&T’s “Just Okay Is Not Okay” campaign is going to have this digital component where banner ads show unhelpful college football statistics during games.
ME: How many fake stats do you need?
CLIENT: Um…just sit at a desk for two weeks and keep coming up with them. There’s water in the kitchen.
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I produced 1,000 different fake stats, and 220 million impressions later consumers everywhere were reminded that AT&T is at least the second best of our nation’s three major telecom companies.
